Howard from The Wirral

I saw a poster the other morning, It was dangling from a bike lock unit (i have no idea what those things you tie bikes to are called??). It was inviting women cyclists to come and visit 'Dr Bike' for a full servicing for FREE! I free servicing, ooh Doctor, yes please. So i cycled to the 'under the Westway' location and was met by a gazebo and 2 hunky guys oiling some chains. The taller of the 2 Dr Bikes said he would be about half an hour and suggested that I go and wait in the leisure centre next door. I asked him if he knew whether the coffee was decent there and he gave a detailed response about how the coffee was motor-way service station standard, needed 6 sugars and that i was better off having tea. I said I would rather cycle to the Deli in Notting Hill to get one, and offered him one. A machiato for Dr Bike and a skinny Cap for me. Howard aka Dr Bike proceeded to spend nearly an hour on my extremely posh bike... Kensington and Chelsea Council, who funded the day, were probably trying to encourage the local estate mums and their bikes out of their high rises, not girls with £1000 Marins from Brakenbury Village... Howard was an absolute perfectionist. 3 pairs of latex gloves later he had tweaked my cables, polished my chain, put spokey dokes on my wheels (remember those!) and been very generous with his lube.... He mentioned the word lube a couple of times during our bike chats, and I am sorry but it is really embarrassing.... all bike shop people say it.. LUBE LUBE LUBE... its gross.. I literally can't say it.. i will say oil, i need it/stuff/thingy for my chain, point at it ,anything... but I will not say the word. He then took my bike seat off to check the seat 'post'... and then he greased it... it was soo embarrassing... i forgot what I was saying I was so put off my train of thought.... and you know when you know someone is reading your mind... I know he knew I was thinking willy thoughts.... ARh, poor Howard from the Wirral being subjected to a morning with a pervy minded girl and her well lubed hybrid.